Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
nov.28.2008
It's sinking in harder and harder.
Actually.. a lot of things are sinking in.
But for now, one thing that bugs me is... inactivity.
How is it, that I'm no longer performing in Star Search?
Sure, I admit that I suck at breakdancing, so it's not surprising that I get my just desserts for being a toy. But just because I can't put skills where my mouth is, I can and do put my love and passion where my mouth is.
What would Nas be without hip hop? What would Guru be without Premier? Born without the BBoy?
I feel like a cripple. A crippled sprinter sitting in a wheelchair watching his teammates take home the gold. All he can do is cheer, with bittersweet tears streaming from his eyes.
Actually.. a lot of things are sinking in.
But for now, one thing that bugs me is... inactivity.
How is it, that I'm no longer performing in Star Search?
Sure, I admit that I suck at breakdancing, so it's not surprising that I get my just desserts for being a toy. But just because I can't put skills where my mouth is, I can and do put my love and passion where my mouth is.
What would Nas be without hip hop? What would Guru be without Premier? Born without the BBoy?
I feel like a cripple. A crippled sprinter sitting in a wheelchair watching his teammates take home the gold. All he can do is cheer, with bittersweet tears streaming from his eyes.
under the stars.
Every so often, a week comes strolling along, a week filled with evaluations, tests, projects and presentations. Everyone encounters them. It's nothing new. As weeks such as this approach, we brace ourselves for the full impact of the heavy duties to come. Thankfully, once over, we are ingratiated with a sensation of proud accomplishment - certainly a cause for celebration.
Unfortunately, after a grueling and mind-grinding week, in the face of a long weekend, there is little to celebrate, really. I had worked hard, and a wave of tests and such had receded.
Semiformal 2008.
Honest to say, I didn't enjoy it that much.
On our way there, I had called my dad, told him it ended at 11.
To my surprise, he cheerfully told me to 'have fun'. It made me feel funny inside, because I knew it must have taken some effort for him to say that, in such dire circumstances. At the same time, I knew that no matter how much fun I really had that night, it would amount to nothing once I got home. This feeling had the better of me the whole night.
On our way back, I had called my dad, told him I was on my way home.
I could sense his frustration, and before he had even said anything, I managed to spurt out a 'Sorry'. But not to my surprise, that could do nothing to appease what I had done. I braced myself.
And now as I write this, a long night of listening to my parents talking to me, I sit here - when I had planned to dance. I can't perform now. And last night wasn't so great. What difference does it make now.
Unfortunately, after a grueling and mind-grinding week, in the face of a long weekend, there is little to celebrate, really. I had worked hard, and a wave of tests and such had receded.
Semiformal 2008.
Honest to say, I didn't enjoy it that much.
On our way there, I had called my dad, told him it ended at 11.
To my surprise, he cheerfully told me to 'have fun'. It made me feel funny inside, because I knew it must have taken some effort for him to say that, in such dire circumstances. At the same time, I knew that no matter how much fun I really had that night, it would amount to nothing once I got home. This feeling had the better of me the whole night.
On our way back, I had called my dad, told him I was on my way home.
I could sense his frustration, and before he had even said anything, I managed to spurt out a 'Sorry'. But not to my surprise, that could do nothing to appease what I had done. I braced myself.
And now as I write this, a long night of listening to my parents talking to me, I sit here - when I had planned to dance. I can't perform now. And last night wasn't so great. What difference does it make now.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
nov.25.2008
Writing is hard.
As much as I feel that the time is right to write a blog entry, I can never bring myself to do it. Why is that? I don't lack the material. Yet somehow, my inclination to do so leaves me so quickly.
But I suppose I'll see what I can manage to "cobble up" this time.
First of all, I recall that a while ago, I felt the need to record this phrase, that seemed to appear in my mind during a time of emotional distress.
Sometimes, I feel the need to cry. Not for myself, but for the whole world.
Other times, I feel the need to cry. Solely because I am the whole world.
I don't want to talk about what it means, but I'll just put it there. Okay, Zimu? Okay.
In other news, karma strikes again.
Lastly,
Rock // Opportunity // Gone // Hard Place
Why, oh why. Sometimes I wonder. Why do I even remain here. Could've just hopped on and left long ago.
As much as I feel that the time is right to write a blog entry, I can never bring myself to do it. Why is that? I don't lack the material. Yet somehow, my inclination to do so leaves me so quickly.
But I suppose I'll see what I can manage to "cobble up" this time.
First of all, I recall that a while ago, I felt the need to record this phrase, that seemed to appear in my mind during a time of emotional distress.
Sometimes, I feel the need to cry. Not for myself, but for the whole world.
Other times, I feel the need to cry. Solely because I am the whole world.
I don't want to talk about what it means, but I'll just put it there. Okay, Zimu? Okay.
In other news, karma strikes again.
Lastly,
Rock // Opportunity // Gone // Hard Place
Why, oh why. Sometimes I wonder. Why do I even remain here. Could've just hopped on and left long ago.
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