may19.2008

The time is coming soon. In a mere twenty-some odd minutes,

I will be another year older.

So tell me that I will only become better.

Tell me that I will only move further ahead.

Tell me that I will make it.

Tell me there is still time.

* * *

It's going to be my birthday soon. It's 11:36 at this exact moment, and here I am, only left to wonder. What has this year been for me?

However, it's becoming more and more difficult to make my mind up as to what I think. The clock is only winding more and more down towards nothing. So.. the following will just be brief, quick thoughts, as I amass as much as I can as fast as possible.

Not too bad a year.
I'm thankful for a lot of things.
Although, I'm a bit regretful of others.
I'd like to be able to pause time, to deeply take in everything that's happened.
But I can't look back. This next year is going to be nothing but pure intensity.
I wonder if I have what it takes.
No.
I don't wonder.
I know I have what it takes.
I hope.
No.
Overall, I'm happy.
I'm very grateful I have such wonderful friends.

To be honest...

I like to think that this afternoon, while Fiona, Terry Cho and Moo first showed up, that I was very casual about all this. That it was just a casual get-together. But honestly, deep down inside, I really cared. I really wished for all my friends, that I've gathered in the past three years, show up and help me celebrate. I remind myself of Dennis Rodman... I really.. really needed a break. Somehow, I feel like I'm troubled. But anyways, I think I'm very thankful for all the friends I have.

In fact, one of many things that I really cherish is when Mike said 'I wouldn't miss it', even though he, along with Terry, Josh and Wincy, had a big English project to film. I don't know. It's nice, coming from Mike.

And Ambrose. Oh man, thanks. I totally did not see that coming. That is pure kick-ass. And I'm sure I'll be holding on to your signed card for a very, very long time.

Terry, too. I think despite all the testosterone that gets emitted in games of basketball, I'm thankful for you too. I know I tend to not treat you very well sometimes, but deep down inside, I know how sad I'd be if you turned away. I do try to be nicer. Oh god I sound like a woman. Okay, this is how I feel in man-words: Me. You. Tight. Props. And that's the truth.

Those are just three of many of my friends that helped me celebrate tonight, and among other things,

Thanks for the great song, Josh. It was funny and all, but inside, I think that it was really something memorable, and I really do appreciate having you as a friend. Same goes with Wincy (I love the little box, it makes me sad to have taken it apart), Tiffany, Mahmood (I met you for the first time at football in grade 9. Other than Mike, you were probably the first person to say a friendly hello to me), Yvonne, Alex, Terry Cho (you awesome loyal purple-nippled son-of-a).

And even those who I haven't mentioned. Those who didn't even know I had a get-together. I'm happy too.

Now, don't think I've forgotten.

Fiona.

What can I say? You are absolutely the best in the world, and I love you.

* * *

Sometimes, I think that my social and emotional life shouldn't be mixed with my academic life. And for the next few paragraphs, that will be the case.

All things aside, today was simply awesome. You guys make my birthdays great, and from now on, I'll try to return the favour. That's the only right thing to do.

Every year, the memories stack, and cumulate. Every year, there's more to look back upon, more to be thankful for, more experiences, struggles, happiness, and love. For all of us. But also, every year, there's even more to look forward to.

Thanks for a great time.

That's enough sappy shit from me.

* * *

Now, Zimu. Enjoy the moment. But after this, shut up and focus, shall we?

* * *

Now, at 11:54, nearing the end of my post, I seem to have found a fitting emotion. I think it's something that I often overlook, and something that I don't always allow myself to feel, not appreciating many little things and whatnot.

At the end of the day.
At the end of my seventeenth year in this world.

I'm happy!

And tomorrow will only be another day.

may17.2008

In recent news, today marks one of the most ironic days that I have experienced in a very, very long time. It has left me a tad bit bruised, a tad bit confused, and it made me want to write about it.

So anyways, I have been living by myself for about a week now. And trust me, it's no easy task. In fact, it's not even as enjoyable as one may assume it to be. Sure, having more freedom is great, but at the end of the day, you cannot escape the fact that for the next while, you are utterly alone. As you turn the lights off for another night's rest, you realize how empty the house is, how incredibly alone you are.

But I suppose I'm more or less used to it. Most of the time, there are things that keep my occupied - eating in front of the TV, spending most of my time in front of my computer, that sort of stuff. Music is a must, that's for sure.

Thankfully, after a long period of busy and stress, this weekend is Victoria Day long weekend. Tonight is just Saturday. There's still Sunday and Monday. Not to mention that my birthday's coming up (Tuesday May 20). Not too bad.

Funny though. My birthday's always been so casual. A lot of my friends like to take it seriously - go out for a night at a restaurant, that sort of thing. I can't remember doing that. Nor do I want to, really. Just need my friends there to chill, play some basketball, laugh a bit, it's all good. Remember Cummer? With Magic, Boaz, Scott, 40K, Mike, Kevin, all that good stuff.

I remember one time my mom bought me a deck of Magic Cards. That was epic. I was like damn - my mom bought me some of these. This is real special. Except some faggot stole it on like the first day. I replaced them with another, but it still hurt. It's not often my mom takes part in any of my hobbies. Needless to say, I bawled. Not balled - bawled. Haha.

Anyways, back to the present. I'm gonna be seventeen soon. Geez. It's been a while, hasn't it, Zimu. I don't even know how I feel. How am I any different than the person I was years ago? Do I like where I am? Sometimes I feel that I'm a very confused individual right now... Often, I would be very willing to go back in time and live the life I lived years ago.

. . .

So after a week of an utterly sloppy and messy lifestyle, it was time for some change. Thus I spent the better half of the day doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning, that sort of stuff. I went out with Fiona for lunch, that was real nice.

Anyways, I was mowing the lawn today, when I noticed some colour on my dark-if-not-black driveway. What was this?

"You suck! -->"

With the arrow pointing straight at my house. You can guess how uneasy that made me feel. Sigh.

. . .

In other news, I have finally reached C- on iCCup. Not only that, but I joined a clan - Training Squad (tS(). Although I lost 0-2 to the clan leader, i 2-0'ed vs another C- in the clan, which made me feel pretty good.

In any case, that's about it for now...

Until next,

2imu

may15.2008

After a month of inactivity, I guess I should at least try to record some more of my everyday ongoings. And what a month and more it has been.

For one thing, the Gold Band went on the Chicago Trip. It was pretty awesome. The greatest part was the LEGO store! That was fantastic. I bought an EXO-force set for twenty bucks! What a total bargain.

Wait.

No.

Fuck that.