may19.2008

The time is coming soon. In a mere twenty-some odd minutes,

I will be another year older.

So tell me that I will only become better.

Tell me that I will only move further ahead.

Tell me that I will make it.

Tell me there is still time.

* * *

It's going to be my birthday soon. It's 11:36 at this exact moment, and here I am, only left to wonder. What has this year been for me?

However, it's becoming more and more difficult to make my mind up as to what I think. The clock is only winding more and more down towards nothing. So.. the following will just be brief, quick thoughts, as I amass as much as I can as fast as possible.

Not too bad a year.
I'm thankful for a lot of things.
Although, I'm a bit regretful of others.
I'd like to be able to pause time, to deeply take in everything that's happened.
But I can't look back. This next year is going to be nothing but pure intensity.
I wonder if I have what it takes.
No.
I don't wonder.
I know I have what it takes.
I hope.
No.
Overall, I'm happy.
I'm very grateful I have such wonderful friends.

To be honest...

I like to think that this afternoon, while Fiona, Terry Cho and Moo first showed up, that I was very casual about all this. That it was just a casual get-together. But honestly, deep down inside, I really cared. I really wished for all my friends, that I've gathered in the past three years, show up and help me celebrate. I remind myself of Dennis Rodman... I really.. really needed a break. Somehow, I feel like I'm troubled. But anyways, I think I'm very thankful for all the friends I have.

In fact, one of many things that I really cherish is when Mike said 'I wouldn't miss it', even though he, along with Terry, Josh and Wincy, had a big English project to film. I don't know. It's nice, coming from Mike.

And Ambrose. Oh man, thanks. I totally did not see that coming. That is pure kick-ass. And I'm sure I'll be holding on to your signed card for a very, very long time.

Terry, too. I think despite all the testosterone that gets emitted in games of basketball, I'm thankful for you too. I know I tend to not treat you very well sometimes, but deep down inside, I know how sad I'd be if you turned away. I do try to be nicer. Oh god I sound like a woman. Okay, this is how I feel in man-words: Me. You. Tight. Props. And that's the truth.

Those are just three of many of my friends that helped me celebrate tonight, and among other things,

Thanks for the great song, Josh. It was funny and all, but inside, I think that it was really something memorable, and I really do appreciate having you as a friend. Same goes with Wincy (I love the little box, it makes me sad to have taken it apart), Tiffany, Mahmood (I met you for the first time at football in grade 9. Other than Mike, you were probably the first person to say a friendly hello to me), Yvonne, Alex, Terry Cho (you awesome loyal purple-nippled son-of-a).

And even those who I haven't mentioned. Those who didn't even know I had a get-together. I'm happy too.

Now, don't think I've forgotten.

Fiona.

What can I say? You are absolutely the best in the world, and I love you.

* * *

Sometimes, I think that my social and emotional life shouldn't be mixed with my academic life. And for the next few paragraphs, that will be the case.

All things aside, today was simply awesome. You guys make my birthdays great, and from now on, I'll try to return the favour. That's the only right thing to do.

Every year, the memories stack, and cumulate. Every year, there's more to look back upon, more to be thankful for, more experiences, struggles, happiness, and love. For all of us. But also, every year, there's even more to look forward to.

Thanks for a great time.

That's enough sappy shit from me.

* * *

Now, Zimu. Enjoy the moment. But after this, shut up and focus, shall we?

* * *

Now, at 11:54, nearing the end of my post, I seem to have found a fitting emotion. I think it's something that I often overlook, and something that I don't always allow myself to feel, not appreciating many little things and whatnot.

At the end of the day.
At the end of my seventeenth year in this world.

I'm happy!

And tomorrow will only be another day.